


This isn't Rhodey, is it?

by puganddrugs



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cuties, Eventual Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mild Self Harm, Other characters only mentioned, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Tony Stark Feels, Wrong number
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-05-24 19:05:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14960358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puganddrugs/pseuds/puganddrugs
Summary: In the midst of a panic attack, Tony calls Rhodey for help. Or, he thinks he calls Rhodey. After rambling for what seems like hours, a deep voice responds and... that's definitely not his friend. But he keeps calling anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually going to be more than 1 chapter! I have no idea where I want this to go or how long it's going to be. I also don't have an updating schedule but I'm hoping to have the first few chapters done very soon since I'm excited about this!!

Ton'y POV:

 

He felt like he was going to pass out. Tony scrambled to find his phone so he could call his friend Rhodey. He always called Rhodey when he was having a panic attack, and this time was no different. He didn't know exactly what brought on the attack this time. Ok, that was a lie. It was probably the reporter that asked him why he never seemed to be upset when the death of his father was brought up. Which first of all, rude. Tony doesn't appreciate personal questions like that. And why should he be upset anyway? Should he really grieve for the man who constantly belittled him? He should cry for the man who beat him and called him names? 

The panic attack had hit him later, when he actually allowed himself to think about Howard. Thinking about him was never a good idea, but it always happened, no matter how much he tried to avoid it. He knew he was panicking, so obviously he called Rhodey. Or, he tried to call Rhodey, but his hands were shaking so bad he was surprised he put in the right number. The phone rang a couple of times, before the click indicated his friend had finally answered. Before Rhodey could even say anything, Tony began rambling.

"Hey buddy, I am so glad you answered. I k-kinda might be having a slight panic attack right now? Nothing to worry about, you know me, I'm a-always fine! But, well, I'm sure you saw the news and that horrible reporter asking me about Howard and well..it just really got me, you know? You know how he treated me and it's not f-fair that people think I need to grieve for him. Grieve for that piece of shit? It's laughable. If only they knew what he did...h-how he was when no one else was around. Well I've been rambling long enough, f-forget about me, what's up with you?"

There was a long silence, and Tony was starting to get worried. "Um Rhodey buddy, are you there? Did my smooth voice lull you to sleep? Don't be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us." A deep coughing startled him and...that didn't sound like his friend.

"I don't know who this Rhodey person is, but it definitely ain't me, sir". A deep voice with a slight twang said through the phone. Tony was back to full on panicking now, the thought of a stranger hearing everything he'd said being too much for him. He knew he was hyperventilating, but he couldn't stop himself. 

The voice on the phone was speaking to him and he tried desperately to listen. "Oh crap, are you ok? Are you breathin'? Just..try to listen to me to distract yourself, what do I even say oh my god. Ok, my names is James Barnes, I was a soldier in the army. Now you have to tell me something about yourself, ok?" Tony could tell that the voice- _James-_ was on his way to panicking too, and tried to follow his instructions.

'o-ok, My name is Anthony Stark and I...I like to build things?" It sounded like a question and he cringed at the shaky tone of his voice. James sighed deeply, probably annoyed. Oh god, he was so annoying. Why was he always so-

"That's real good Anthony, keep breathing slowly for me, alright? You're doin' great. Deep breaths, alright, I'm here."  Tony was glad James wasn't going to hang up. He may not know the man, but having a steady voice telling him to breath was helping him.

"Are you ok now, Anthony? I don't really know what else to do." James admitted, sounding nervous. Tony was quick to assure him, "No, James, you did great. I-I mean, you helped me out. Which, wow, this is awkward, thanks. I didn't mean to bother you or anything"

He heard a huff of laughter on the other side of the phone, and was hurt for just a second. Was James laughing at him? "Bucky" is the only thing he got in response. "My friends call me Bucky. I heard you having a panic attack, I think we're at the nicknames stage now"  Well, that's not what Tony was expecting. He realized he'd been silent for a while, because James- no,  _Bucky-_ suddenly said "Anthony, are you there? Are you ok? Anthony?" and he sounded...worried, almost.

"Tony. My friends call me Tony"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony calls Bucky while drunk and talks about Howard (Discussion of child abuse and alcohol abuse, if triggering please skip!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loveee all the support for this story I'm super excited to keep writing and I planned basically the whole story out already whoops.

Tony and Bucky had been calling each other for about 2 weeks now, and they talked basically every day. Tony didn't exactly know what they were to each other. He considered Bucky a friend, but didn't want to assume too much. Tony had been feeling a lot better ever since he started talking to him, but not even a new friend could erase all the damage Howard had done and was still doing. Every time the memories got to be too much, he turned to the bottle to calm him down. He knew he was acting like Howard with the excessive drinking, but it was the only thing that could help his anxiety.

Well, before Bucky, that is. 

He was done with one bottle and halfway through the second one when his drunken mind decided that calling Bucky was the perfect thing to do. He dialed the number and waited for Bucky to pick up. After 2 rings, Bucky answered. "Hey Tony, what's up?" Tony was so happy to hear Bucky's voice. It didn't make everything ok, but he felt better.

"Heyyyyy Bucko! I missed you" He slurred, obviously drunk. Bucky laughed over the phone, hearing the slur. "I just talked to you yesterday Tony, how can you miss me?" Tony paused at that, suddenly worried he was being too much. "I'm sorry, you're right, I'll go, I didn't mean to-" Tony started, but was abruptly cut off. "No Tony, I didn't mean it like that. I missed you too. How much have you had to drink?" Bucky said apologetically.

Tony wasn't sure whether he should be honest, suddenly embarrassed by how drunk he was. Still slurring, he responded truthfully "About a bottle and a half, and I'm still going. I can still remember, so it's obviously not enough". Tony was sad now, remembering why he started drinking in the first place. "Remember what, doll? What's wrong?" Bucky asked worriedly. Tony was drunk enough that his inhibitions were greatly lowered, and started to spill everything.

"It's jus' Howard. 'S always Howard. He fucked me up so badly, ya know? I mean, when he even bothered to acknowledge m' existence, it was only to tell me I wasn' enough. And he was right, I'm not enough. Why would he say tha' for years if it wasn't true, right?" He was crying now, but not panicking. It was something he knew was true, so there was just acceptance. Bucky's voice came through the phone, and he sounded incredibly sad.

"Tony, no. That's not true. Listen to me, you're not nothing. You are enough." Tony wanted to believe him so badly, but he knew it wasn't true. Howard had given him the scars to prove it. "Then why'd he hurt me?" Tony said in a small voice. "Why'd he beat me? At first it was just some slaps, maybe some shoves. But then...I guess I messed up. I disappointed him. It just got worse." Bucky's heart was breaking. How could anyone hurt such an amazing person?

"Tony, I'm here for you. You can tell me anything, I'm your friend. What Howard did was wrong, and nothing he said was true. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met, and I only want to help." Tony broke down after that, sobbing and telling Bucky everything Howard had done. He told him about the hours he'd force Tony to work, working him so hard until he couldn't stand. He told Bucky about the belt that came out every time they were alone, the whips marks he had even know that would probably never go away, and the punches and kicks he'd receive when he was on the floor, begging Howard to stop. How Howard never told him he was loved or cared for. Howard broke him, and he was still picking up the pieces.

"Tony, oh Tony. Doll, breathe. You didn' deserve any of it. You're incredible, you know that?" Unbeknownst to Tony, Bucky was also crying softly, overcome with sadness for what his friend had to go through. Tony felt ashamed for everything he had admitted, and suddenly he just wanted to sleep and forget any of this had happened. "I'm sorry, Bucky I didn't mean to dump that all on you...I'm just drunk, forget about everything I said. I'm just gonna go. I'm sorry again. Bye"

"Tony wait, don't-" But Tony hung up, and took another shot. He'd regret it in the morning, but for now, he just wanted to sleep.

 

The next day came and, predictably, so did Tony's hangover. After stumbling to the kitchen and downing two cups of coffee, he unfortunately remembered the previous night. Tony felt incredibly embarrassed over his conversation with Bucky. He had admitted basically everything to Bucky, and wished he could take it all back. Tony didn't want this to ruin his friendship, but he wouldn't be surprised if Bucky decided he was too much to deal with and stopped calling. As soon as the thought went through his mind, his phone was ringing. Surprisingly, it was Bucky.

"Tony? I didn' expect you to answer...how are you?" Bucky sounded nervous, and Tony honestly had no idea why. "I'm surprised, Bucky. I thought last night would finally convince you that I was a mess." Tony said with a self-deprecating laugh. "You're not a mess Tony." Bucky said softly. "You've had some really shitty things happen to you, and you're still somehow an amazing person. You're one of the strongest people I know." Tony felt so light hearing those words, and for the first time, he thought he might be able to eventually believe them. 

"Well, anyway, I'm sorry I called you last night. I was drunk, and you're the only person I thought to call" Tony admitted. Bucky was touched, but at the same time worried. He knew how much Tony drank last night and it didn't sound at all healthy. "No need to apologize. I'm glad you called me. But I am worried 'bout you. A bottle and a half isn't healthy, Tony. Do you always drink that much?" There was a long pause, and Bucky hoped he hadn't overstepped. But then there was a long-suffering sigh, and Tony finally responded. "Yeah, I do usually drink that much, if not more. I know I have a problem, but it's the only way I can forget about...my childhood. I don't know what else I can do, but drinking that much has always reminded me so much of Howard. I wish I could stop" Tony was surprised at his own admittance. He'd never told anyone, not even Pepper or Rhodey, how much his own drinking bothered him. 

Bucky thought for a second, and finally thought of something he could do to help. "Listen, remember how I told you I was in the army?" Tony scoffed at that. As if he would forget. He remembered everything Bucky told him. "Well, a couple of my army buddies had drinkin' problems, and they went to this professional to help them stop drinking. It's technically a therapist, but they never called her that because no one wanted to say they were actually goin' to therapy. But, I can give you her number if that sounds like something you'd try." Tony wasn't sure about it. He'd never liked the idea of going to therapy, even if logically he knew it would help. The idea of being sober was a nice one, but he didn't know if he could do it. Before he could say no to Bucky's offer, his friend spoke again. "Tony, I don't mean to overstep, but I really want you to do this. I was so worried last night when you told me how much you drank. And I'll be there. I'll help you. You can call me after every appointment or call me if you feel like drinking and need someone to stop you. I just want you to be okay." he said softly. 

There was no way he could say no to that, was there? 

"Ok Bucky, don't get all sappy on me. Give me her number and I'll call her. And...thanks. No one's ever cared enough to actually say any of that stuff before. I appreciate it, and I'm really going to try. I swear." Tony said emphatically. "I believe you Tony. And I really think you can do this. Call me if you want when you set up your first appointment. I'll be there every step of the way." Tony was touched, and he really wanted to get sober. They said there goodbyes and hung up, even if Tony really never wanted to stop talking to him 

Tony went and dumped every last drop of alcohol he had down the sink. He could do this. If not for himself, then at least for Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this chapter, next chapter should be out tomorrow or the day after that!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky's been there for Tony, and now it's time for Tony to return the favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took an extra day, hope you enjoy! I wanted to make sure there was a chance for Tony to help Bucky out instead of it just being a one way street.

There was no doubt that Tony and Bucky were friends now. Once you know about Howard, you're Tony's friend, and Bucky knew all about him. Bucky had been there for Tony any time he needed him, so it was only a matter of time before Tony returned the favor. Tony dialed his number, excited to talk to his friend, even though they had just talked the day before. 

Instead of Bucky's usual happy greeting, there was only a mumbled "hello" before he went quiet. Tony frowned at that, but decided to pretend like everything was normal. "Hey Bucky, what's going on?" Tony enthusiastically said. "Nothin' much...I just didn't get much sleep last night" He punctuated the sentence with a long yawn. "Listen, I'm not really in the mood to talk today." Tony felt hurt, considering they had talked every day since the first accidental phone call. "Did...Did I do something wrong, Bucky? I'm sorry if I did, I didn't mean to-" He was cut off by Bucky's voice. "No no, it's not you. I just...it's nothing. Forget about it"

Bucky sounded tired. And not just didn't get enough sleep last night tired, he sounded "I haven't slept in days" tired. "Bucky, what's wrong? You know you can talk to me. Hell, I've rambled enough to you that I think it's your turn." He waited, hoping his friend would tell him what was wrong. Finally, Bucky started to speak, albeit reluctantly.

"I'm going to tell you something, and I really don't want you to freak out, ok? Promise me this won't change anything. Promise me we'll still be friends" Now Tony was worried. Was he a criminal or something? Oh god, Tony made friends with a murderer didn't he? "A couple of years ago, I was in a motorcycle accident. A truck hit me and...it tore my left arm clean off. I was awake throughout the whole thing, and I was under the truck for 30 minutes before the EMT's could get me out. So, there it is. I have one arm and nightmares about the accident. Pathetic, ain't it?" He said while laughing humorlessly. Ok, now Tony was  _really_ worried. He couldn't wait for the bomb to drop. What was so terrible that they would stop being friends?

"Ok, and? Keep going, finish your story." Tony urged. He could feel Bucky's confusion through the phone. "Tony, I did finish. What are you talking about." Now Tony was the confused one. "Well, you said it was something bad enough that I'd want to stop being friends with you. So, what is it?" Bucky was laughing now, though it sounded more relieved than anything. "Tony, that was the whole story. I didn't want you to think I was a freak or anything" He said, almost shyly now.

And damn, if that didn't break Tony's heart. Bucky could be a freaking alien and Tony would still think he was great. "Bucky, you could have 1 arm, 4 legs, and 3 eyes and I'd still want to be your friend. You're an amazing person, probably the only person that can put up with me. I don't care what you look like at all, and to be honest it hurts that you think something like this would cause me to stop being your friend." Tony had never been that honest with another person, and he hoped Bucky wouldn't laugh at him for it.

Instead, he heard soft crying. "Oh Tony, Tony you don't even know how much that means to me. I didn't mean to make you think you're shallow or anythin' but you don't know how many friends I lost after the accident. They never outright said it, but I could tell they didn't want to be seen with me. I mean, it didn't help that I wasn' really myself. I was so  _angry_ all the time, and I had these nightmares, well I still have the nightmares, but you know what I mean. So thank you. Just, thank you for not leaving too." Bucky sounded so incredibly  _grateful_ that Tony didn't even know what to say. Who would leave Bucky because he had one arm? Didn't they know what an amazing friend they had?

"Bucky, those people are idiots. They're missing out on an amazing friend. Who cares what you look like? You're a good person, and that's all that matters." Tony desperately tried to get Bucky to believe him. Bucky sighed and replied, "I appreciate it, but you don't even know what it looks like. I can't even look at myself sometimes. 'S pretty terrible. I haven' found a prosthetic that doesn't look ridiculous, so...." No prosthetic? Tony filed that away for later, excited that now he had a new project. "I know nothing I say now will change your mind because you've been living with this for years, but no matter how ugly you think it looks, I promise it's not that bad. No matter what, you have a good heart and that's all that matters. And listen, next time you have a nightmare, call me, yeah? No matter what time. I don't sleep much anyway, so you won't wake me up. Just like you were there when I needed help with my drinking thing, I'm here for you. Just know that you're not alone."

Bucky was silent for a few seconds, before saying "You're a hell of a friend Tony Stark, you know that?I'm real lucky to have you. I promise to call you next time I have a nightmare. Now enough about me. How was your last meeting with Doctor Hill?" Tony knew he was deflecting a bit, but he knew what it felt like to not want the attention on yourself for a bit so he let it slide. "Well my friend, I am officially one week sober! She's been helping me a lot. She doesn't take any of my shit, so that's a good start." He knew being one week sober wasn't that much to celebrate, but for him it seemed impossible.

"Tony, I'm so proud of you! I knew you could do it, I had no doubt." Bucky said proudly. Tony blushed at the praise, not used to receiving any. "Alright Bucko, don't get sappy, I'm pretty amazing I know. Listen, as much as I want to keep talking to you forever, I've got a new project I have to start, but same time tomorrow?" Bucky agreed that it was getting late, and hung up with the promise to call Tony if he had a nightmare.

Tony got started on his new project: A state-of-the-art, comfortable prosthetic arm for his best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the anniversary of Howard and Maria's death and Tony...doesn't take it well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay i love #DepressiveEpisodes they're so much fun!!1!! Hope you enjoy! This will have 6 chapters, so we're more than halfway to the end!!

It was 2 weeks since Bucky had confessed to his nightmares and revealed his secret. Tony was proud of Bucky for opening up to him, and he was proud of himself for being 3 weeks sober. Everything was going great. Until it wasn't

.

.

It was the anniversary of Howard and Maria's death. Tony had never felt particularly upset over Howard's death, because he was an abusive drunk who didn't deserve to be grieved. But Maria. His mother. his mama. That tore Tony apart. She wasn't the best mother, but being married to Howard couldn't have been good for anyone. He missed her so much, everyday, and the anniversary of her death was a hard time for him. He was ashamed, but his grief was too much. He went to his desk and opened up the last draw, pulling out the emergency bottle of alcohol he kept-just in case. Before he could talk himself out of it, he opened the bottle and took a long sip. He went through half the bottle, before feeling disgusted with himself. He was supposed to be sober, for Bucky. Oh god, what would Bucky think?

After getting through 3/4 of the bottle, his phone started ringing. Of course, it was Bucky. He thought about declining the call, but opted to not worry Bucky and answer it now. "Hey Tony, I just wanted to check up on you. I know it's a rough day, so I jus' wanted to make sure you were ok." Bucky said, making Tony feel even worse. Immediately, he couldn't stop himself from crying.

"Bucky, I did somethin' bad. I did somethin' really bad and m'sorry, I didn't mean to but I didn' know what else to do, my mom, my  _mom_ died and I loved her so much, and now I disappointed you, oh god I'm awful, I'm a terrible person, m'sorry" Tony cried, slurring his words. It was obvious that he was drunk, which just made him cry harder. He heard a sharp intake of breath and just knew Bucky was going to tell him what a failure he was. Instead, Bucky surprised him.

"Tony, it's ok, please know it's ok. This is a setback, not the end. You can still do this, and I understand why you drank today. Losing a parent ain't easy, but you can come back from this. If you still want to, being sober is still an option. Talk to Doctor Hill about it, and please call me if you need to. You know m'always here for you." Bucky said, hoping Tony would know this wasn't the end of his sobriety. 

Tony was blown away. Why wasn't Bucky angry at him? Or disappointed? He was always a disappointment. He stopped the thoughts quickly-Doctor Hill and Bucky had been trying to get him to let go of some of his self-esteem issues. They told him to redirect his thoughts when this happened and think of something that brought him happiness. And-oops- now he was thinking about Bucky. 

He might've been developing a slight crush on the other man. Okay maybe it wasn't slight. He might've been a teensy bit in love with him, but it wasn't like he was going to say anything. The relationship he had with Bucky was too special, and why would anyone want to be with him? And-ok no, stopping those thoughts again. 

"Thank you, Bucky. That really means a lot to me" Tony said sincerely. "And yes, I want to be sober. I wanna try again." He was still embarrassed that he only made it to 3 weeks, but Bucky was quick to correct him when he told the other man his feelings. 

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Tony. It's amazing that you even tried in the first place. I'm proud of ya. I'm real proud. You need to get some sleep, sleep this off and let's talk when you're sober. That's not a jab at you by the way, I just know my mama always said everything will be better after a nap." Tony chuckled at that, already feeling like he was going to fall asleep on his feet. 

"You're probably right. I think a nap is a great idea. Listen...I'm about to get mushy, just giving you a warning. I really appreciate you, ya know? You're just such an amazing guy and I've never had anyone unconditionally accept me, and I really thank you for that. It's probably the alcohol talking, but I just felt like I had to say this now." 

There was a silence and Tony was about to apologize for being so embarrassing, when Bucky finally responded, "I feel exactly the same way. I'm so lucky you dialed the wrong number that day." 

Tony felt all warm inside at that, but of course couldn't let on to what he was feeling. "Ok Bucko, enough feelings for one night. I'm about to pass out over here, so I'm gonna let you go. Until next time, Bucky" 

"Until next time, Tony" 

And if he slept better than he ever had since Maria's death, Bucky didn't have to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eh i don't know how i feel about this chapter, i feel like it could've been better. let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is so excited when his phone rings and it's Bucky, but all he can hear is sobbing when he answers the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be totally honest I totally lost motivation for this story and I'm so sorry it took so long! I felt like it wasn't good at all but I really wanted to finish it for the people that said they liked it. I'm planning on having the next chapter done within the next 2 days. Here it is, after over a month!
> 
> Trigger warnings for self harm (not too graphic because then I'd trigger myself yikes, let me know if I should add a warning before it happens if it's too much)

It was only a few days after their last conversation that Tony received the odd call from Bucky. He was newly 5 days sober (an achievement for Tony), and Bucky had called him after he had a nightmare. They talked about Bucky's nightmare, and Tony finally felt like he was helping his friend. That's why he wasn't expecting the call.

"Hey Bucky, what's going on?" Tony asked. He was in such a good mood today and he didn't think anything could change that. "T-Tony? Oh god, Tony, m'sorry I didn't mean to do it, but there's blood. T-there's a lot of blood, oh  _god_ it was an accident I messed up and I-I don't know what to do." Bucky's voice sounded scratchy, and he was speaking through loud sobs. Tony was more than a little worried.

"Bucky, what happened? Are you alright? What do you mean there's blood?" Tony asked frantically. "I was just-It's stupid but I was looking at myself in the mirror and I just c-couldn' stand the sight of my arms-" there was a slightly hysterical laugh, "or I guess my _a_ _rm_ because I only have one and I just couldn't look at it and I just took a razor and...I did something bad" He sounded ashamed and Tony had no idea what to do.

He decided to just outright ask, because it didn't seem like Bucky was volunteering anymore information. "Bucky, did you cut yourself with a razor?" A fresh round of sobs started at that, and Tony knew he was right. "Can you calm down for me, Bucky? You need to breathe, you have to make sure your arm doesn't get infected. I need you to take of yourself because I'm not there to take care of you, but I'll be here the whole time. I'll help you through this."

"O-Ok, I can do that. M'sorry. I need help. I don't know what to do." Bucky sounded distraught and Tony's heart was breaking. He tried to be soothing, despite his own panic.  **{I'm not a doctor, if you're actually injured seek medical attention I'm just going off of my own experiences!]** "Bucky, I need you to go to the bathroom and run your arm under some water, ok?" He heard the sound of Bucky walking and the faucet turned on, and Tony heard a hiss of pain. "I know, it hurts I'm sorry but you're going to feel better after it's over." Oh god, what was he supposed to do next??

He asked Bucky how bad it was, hoping it didn't need stitches. He didn't want Bucky to go to the hospital by himself in this state. "It doesn' need stitches, it's not that deep. Pathetic, huh? All this cryin and it's not even that bad." Bucky let out a self-deprecating laugh at that. "Bucky, just because it's not that bad doesn't mean you're suffering any less. I'm glad it doesn't need stitches because I'd want to be there with you if you were going to the hospital. Dry your arm, ok? Then you're going to put some disinfectant on it." Tony hoped he was right about this. He didn't exactly have experience dealing with injuries.

"Alright, I dried it. The bleeding's mostly stopped, but it still hurts real bad." Tony felt horrible. Bucky didn't deserve this. "I know, baby, just follow what I'm saying, alright? You can do this. It's going to be ok." There was a long silence and Tony was wondering where Bucky was. Was he overstepping? Did he say something wrong? He racked his brain, and then he realized. Oh.  _Oh._ Oh shit.

"Ummm, baby in a strictly platonic sense. You know, friends call each other baby all the time, right? Isn't that a thing? I'm pretty sure it's a thing. Ok we're going to move on. You got the disinfectant? Bucky?" There was a slight pause before Bucky said softly, "S'alright. You can call me that. I...it was good. It was fine. And yes, I've got the disinfectant." And wow, that made Tony feel very warm inside. Uncomfortably warm, but he liked it. Ok, he couldn't think about that right now. Focus on Bucky.

"Alright...baby" (yeah, that still feels nice) "Just put it on gently, I don't want you to hurt yourself." Bucky laughed bitterly at that. "Little late for that, don' you think?" Tony felt terrible. Bucky didn't deserve any of this, he was too good for this. 

"I'm sorry, Bucky. I didn't mean it like that, I just don't want you to get hurt anymore. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I wish I could've helped you." Bucky answered quickly, "You are helping me, Tony. Just by bein' here and talkin' to me, you're helping me. You're the first person I thought to call, 'cause I knew you'd answer. I knew you'd be there for me." He was feeling warm again, warm because he was never the person people could count on. He'd never been someone's first choice before. 

"You can always count on me, baby. I'll always be here for you." Tony hoped he wasn't crossing a line, but he needed to say it. He needed Bucky to know how he felt. "Same for me, Tony. I know I'm a mess right now, but I'll always answer you." 

"I know Bucky. We should probably finish fixing up your arm though, we don't want it getting infected. All you need to do is wrap it up, ok? Can you do that for me?" Bucky sighed heavily, but he agreed. "I know, I know. I don' know how to do it. What if I do it too tight? What if I don't wrap it tight enough and it gets infected?" He sounded frantic again, and Tony rushed to calm him down. "Bucky, I'm here. I'm gonna help you, just take a deep breath. It's ok, baby, I'll tell you what to do" 

It took a while, but Tony finally talked Bucky through it. "Listen Tony...thanks. For everythin' I appreciate it." Tony smiled, even though Bucky couldn't see it. "It was really no problem, Bucky. Should I...Should I hang up now?" 

"No! No, please don't. I don't want you to-please don't hang up." Bucky was practically begging now, and Tony's heart was breaking. "Ok Bucky, I won't leave. I'll stay until you fall asleep, don't worry." 

"Thanks Tony. M'sorry I just..I don't want to be alone." Bucky's voice sounded so small. "You're not alone. I'm here Bucky, ok? You can sleep now, I'll still be here." 

They both fell asleep like that, listening to each other breathing and falling asleep. Together.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse lmao I haven't updated in like 2 months I lost motivation but I have an idea for a new story so I really want to finish this one before I start another one!!

After Bucky's breakdown over the phone a few weeks ago, he and Tony had only been getting closer. They talked every day and told each other everything. Bucky was happy to know that Tony was still sober. Even though there had been a few close calls, Tony always managed to stay on track. Buck hadn't hurt himself since that day and was slowly starting to accept his life with only one arm.

Just like every other day, they were talking on the phone. "So I don't want to be weird or cross a line or anything, but where do you live?" Tony asked curiously. Bucky hesitated for a second before simply answering, "New York." Tony's heart skipped a beat. Bucky had been living in the same city the whole time? "Oh, that's cool. Interesting. It fits you" Of course Tony wanted to meet him eventually, but he didn't want to pressure Bucky. He was also worried that he'd be a disappointment to Bucky. What if he didn't live up to his expectations?

Luckily Bucky didn't return the question, and they kept talking about their own pasts. Tony couldn't stop thinking about how close Bucky could be, and Bucky knew he was distracted. "Are you ok Tony? You seem real distracted right now."he questioned. "No, no I'm sorry I'm just really tired. I didn't get much sleep last night and I think it just caught up to me. Do you mind if we end this now and i can call you tomorrow?" Tony knew it would be suspicious, but he couldn't focus right now. As he thought, Bucky was worried. "Ok, sure, whatever you need. You're sure you're alrigh' though?" Tony was quick to reassure him. "I'm fine, Buck. Just tired, I promise." They hung up, and he spent the rest of the night imagining what it would be like to meet Bucky in person.

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It was two weeks after Tony had learned that Bucky lived in the same city as him. He'd been thinking about it, and Tony was finally ready to ask Bucky if they could meet up together. He wanted to meet Bucky so badly, and he was willing to risk their relationship to do it. If Bucky didn't want to talk to him after they met, Tony would have to deal with it. He was on his way to a coffee shop now, because he needed about 10 cups to calm his nerves. He walked in and breathed in the scent of caffeine, and saw the hottest man he had ever seen. They made eye contact for a few seconds, before blushing and looking away. Obviously he had a thing for Bucky (it was more than a thing, but he was trying not to get his hopes up), but he could still appreciate this guy.

It was finally his turn in line, and he gave the barista his name. Tony took a seat and waited for his name to be called. And if he picked a seat that he could watch the man out of, that was his business. Tony waited for a while, until the barista shouted out, "Order for Bucky!" Tony had never stood up so fast in his life. His heart was pounding and the blood was rushing in his ears. This was not happening right now. No way. The handsome man he had been looking at walked over and grabbed the cup. In his unmistakable voice, he said "Thanks a lot for this" At that moment, the barista called out "Order for Tony!" Buck'y head whipped around so fast it was a miracle he didn't break his neck.

Tony slowly walked forward to grab the cup, maintaining eye contact the whole time. It felt like they were the only two people in the room. "Tony? Is that- is that you?" Hearing that voice, sounding so hopeful, was so different than hearing it on the phone. "Bucky? Yeah it's me.. Oh my god. This is insa-" He was cut off by Bucky wrapping his arm around him and literally crushing him in a hug. Both of them were shaking and trying not to cry in the middle of the coffee shop. Bucky pulled back and looked so happy. "I can' believe this Tony. All this time, you were right here?" Tony felt terrible. He was so stupid, why did he ever think Bucky wouldn't want to see him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you Bucky. I was nervous that you wouldn't want to see me. I didn't want to ruin anything." Bucky looked at him incredulously. "Are you serious? Wouldn' want to see you? Are you crazy? That's all I wanted". He sounded so sincere, there was no way Tony could doubt it.

Their faces were so close to each other now, and they were just staring. Tony decided something needed to be done. "Let me know if I'm totally out of line, but I'd really like to kiss you now." Seeing Bucky's face light up was probably one of the best moments of his life. "Of course, sugar. I've waited long enough, I think" They both leaned in and sparks ignited when their lips met. Kissing Bucky  **was** the greatest moment of his life. He'd never felt happier. They pulled back, and Tony could tell Bucky felt the same way.

They walked out, hand in hand, excited to start the next step of their relationship immediately. They found each other again just like Tony first found Bucky; by accident. But it was the best accident Tony had ever made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! It's over! I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'm writing a new story in the Hamilton fandom because I recently got back into it, I know that fandom is kind of dead but if you're interested, go check out my profile within the next week and it should be up!


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